Sunday, 15 April 2012

Howe do you do... Poo Flicking?

The Sport of Kings...

We have undertaken a new form of familial outdoor pursuit... cycling. I know, it's not exactly kite surfing but since having kids, their nubile tendencies have somewhat undermined our natural passion for everything outdoors.
I mean we've walked... boy have we walked! We've pushed: buggys, trikes, bikes. Carried on: backs, fronts, shoulders. We've: dawdled, ambled and schlepped! So to be on bikes, en famille, with the wind in our hair, is quite a development!
Our first outing on Friday saw us take to the forest where the route unexpectedly finished through the hair-raising, off-road track now known as Mudsville. (N.B. Cycling uphill through mud, gears slipping, breath heaving - not a good look.)
So today when The Daddy suggested a sojourn down by the canal, it seemed altogether more rational.
Largely is was. The easy terrain however did hot last long and at the Daddy's inclination, we chose the grassy route, not the paved one. Bumpy is one word you could use... thigh-burn is another.
Add this to the fact that Baby Girl had taken to:
a) Bouncing on the back of the 'Girl's Bike' - alongside the terrain, forward progress was hindered by two sources of bounce and
b) Using the waistband of my trousers to warm her hands, exposing... well, you get the idea.
I think I may also have further alarmed some Septuagenarians, who might be unaware that 'Shut your face!' is a  modern term of endearment. In this case directed at The Daddy, when he suggested the grassy route was my idea.
I digress. It was an awesome morning, beautiful sunshine, happy kids, yummy picnic. PICNIC!
There was one thing we had not considered in our sense of new found freedom.
'Daddy? I need a poo!'
Oh bums!... quite! After some analysis of the options The Daddy was given a tissue, an empty crisp packet and tasked with the job. I was tickled until...
'Need poo!'
So it was we turned part of the lesser-used picnic area into a communal toilet - the offspring excreting in tandem. The Boy finished first. Shocked as I am almost daily at the level of excrement produced, I wasn't really concentrating. The Daddy having found a stick was duly flicking the offence into the nettles but he too took his eye off the...
Meanwhile The Boy, taking huge interest in Baby Girl's continued development, came bowling back into the pooing area and walked straight through his own poo. His name was used in a variety of sentences generally conveying disappointment, dismay, disbelief. Sigh. Time to go home...

Today we will be mostly... playing 'Mini Car'. The first person to spot a Mini Car on the road, has to shout... you guessed it... 'Mini Car!' Then say what colour. You see learning, its all about the learning. Scoff!

If you liked this, you may also like: Springtime and Celebrities  and Shadow Puppets and Lies
and the unmissable: The Parent's Job Description

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Kind regards

No Fun Mum
Children's Picture Book Writer (in waiting) and Expert in Pre-School Conflict Resolution!